I am clearly not the person to give advise. I cannot tell you what to do but I'll tell you what I did. Here's a back story. I had birth my children when I was still young. I was skinny and it made me conscious because I don't look like a mother instead I look like an older sister to my children- and it's not flattering. Teachers, Social workers and Doctors doesn't seemed to trust my own children with me because I look like a kid myself. So I piled on weight. At the same time my divorce was finalized and I was free. I was also started on medication. After a few months I had gained 20 kg and I became overweight. I intended for a little weight gain but not being obese. I look at the mirror and I was devastated. Over the years, in my twenties I battled weight gained and depleting confidence. Then the pandemic came. It was during the fasting month of Ramadhan that I started working out after breaking my fast. I lost only two kilos. Then when the lock down was slowly redu...
I've created a chaotic mess in my head. When I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. As I look around my small flat, I hate my mixed matched furniture. When I think how broken relationships has impacted me, I struggle to put things into perspective. I know now. That I hated me. I took my lazy self, a very anxious self, walking around the neighborhood. The single walk out, took me 3 days journey. I walked day and night. I rested under the void deck of flats. I nodded at the playground. And I slept at the staircase landings. When I reached home, tired and filthy smelly, my mom rushed me to the emergency room at the mental institution. I had a good rest, a full month, at the institution. Most importantly, I had lost weight. And when I got out, the first thing I did was walk for ten minutes to get myself cigarettes. And I walked fifteen more minutes to reach home. I never stopped walking. Every morning, I wake up with every intention of walking after my morning prayer. It ...