I am clearly not the person to give advise. I cannot tell you what to do but I'll tell you what I did. Here's a back story. I had birth my children when I was still young. I was skinny and it made me conscious because I don't look like a mother instead I look like an older sister to my children- and it's not flattering. Teachers, Social workers and Doctors doesn't seemed to trust my own children with me because I look like a kid myself. So I piled on weight. At the same time my divorce was finalized and I was free. I was also started on medication. After a few months I had gained 20 kg and I became overweight. I intended for a little weight gain but not being obese. I look at the mirror and I was devastated. Over the years, in my twenties I battled weight gained and depleting confidence. Then the pandemic came. It was during the fasting month of Ramadhan that I started working out after breaking my fast. I lost only two kilos. Then when the lock down was slowly redu...
Today, I set out on my own date.
I reflected on myself.
I confronted myself.
Now that I am calm.
Now that I have settled.
I know exactly and
precisely how much I need.
There's no excuse for not
having enough.
No more borrowing now,
and pay back later.
No more exceeding budgets.
No more pleading for pity.
I used to hate having less.
Then I had more.
Then more is not enough.
I didn't know where I got
it wrong.
It's within my control.
I scrutinized everything.
If there's no use,
there's no need.
If there's a need,
it must serve it's purpose.
I used to blame having a tight budget.
Not having enough. Inflation, I said.
And all the other excuses I justified with.
No more. I am my own parent, now.
I have to woman up.
No more blaming games.
No more throwing excuses.
No more excess baggages.
No more paying for people.
No more nice woman.
No more, Yes Ma'am.
No more, Yes Sir.
Every cent had to be accounted for.
I have to know where every dollar went.
A lot of thought goes into everything.
It might not seemed so.
I had to rethink-
What am I?
Who am I?
Why am I?
What do I do?
I'm not reinventing myself.
I'm reevaluating my values.
If being nice is to my own expense,
which then spilled over to someone
else to help me...
it's unthinkable that I had allowed
these to happen all the time.
I'm embarassed.
It's not just a reevaluation.
It's an overhaul of self.
I have to rethink the way I think?
A long, self discovery walk
of sorts.
A long self talk I had.
I wished I had done this sooner.
~A rediscovery of self, is a recovery
of values and evaluation of self worth.~
@chirpbirdee
Pin it!
Comments
Post a Comment